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What was supposed to be a one-hour coffee date had evolved into a nine-hour marathon. We had a lot in common, having experienced what some might describe as all-American upbringings. Over dinner, we connected when we opened up about our strained relationships with our mothers and how we came into our own when we went to college out of state.
Our thoughts and values mirrored each other, as did our Myers-Briggs personality types. I smiled, expecting something from one of the countless jokes we had shared that day. After talking nonstop all day, I was at a loss for words. Her parents immigrated from Taiwan. Mine came from mainland China. She gave a halfhearted laugh.
I love all Asian food, even stinky tofu. Maybe Asian men need better representation. You hear stories of people being catfished by fake online profiles. My date was turning into a catfish tale of its own; I was out with someone who had revealed herself to be completely different from who she first appeared to be. I wondered: Is this actual racism, or, even more pernicious, internalized racism — a form of self-hatred?
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It was a brisk December night in the Big Apple when I stood under the Washington Square Arch, as the greens and yellows and purples of the skyline glowed in the background. I was already exhausted from walking across Manhattan, having visited the National Museum of Mathematics and walked the High Line, but I also felt excited as I stood in the park waiting for our group of Subtle Asian Daters to form. Occasionally, SAD members organize meet-ups so that people can meet each other in real life.
It just so happened that there was one in New York City over winter break. I was nervous in the hours leading up to the event. Maybe only 10 people will show up. Fortunately some SAD members happened to have already arrived in New York, so for the next few hours I hung out with them drinking bubble tea, the quintessential Asian beverage. While the turnout ended up being good — around 40 or 50 people showed up at Washington Square — we quickly fell into disarray as we split up and looked for places to eat.
But in the end, it was all good. I met new people, ate good food Shake Shack to be precise and even showed off my dance skills in a karaoke booth. Indeed, it felt nigh-impossible from the start, given that the male to female ratio was about three to one. And how could I compete with these other men, many of whom were taller, more suave and more charismatic than me? That is the main problem of SAD.
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